I have lost all sense of the passage of time. I have been out in the brush for so long, killed so many things, I don’t know if it matters much anymore. There is a cliff that one will tumble over into numbness if they continue to be subjected to chaos and violence, and I feel that desensitization has come for me now. I retain my wits, yet something inside of me has slowly grown complacent with the violence I commit and, in turn, are a victim of. Dear reader, am I insane? I don’t feel it so, though perhaps metaphorically I am, to be coaxed along by something so abstract and baseless and do its bidding without regard for consequence. No, that’s not true. I am fully aware of the consequences, but I am unable to resist.
We are now on our way back to the brigand campsite. Despite Aedra’s gloomy predictions, we were in fact able to find a desirable solution to our minotaur problem. We have gained a new ally, it seems, in the form of a halfling named Zaire. I suspect Davish is quite appreciative of his company, for he has little to relate to in the rest of our party. Zaire has already proven himself to be quite useful, much to my chagrin, as I now bear marks of battle upon my body. In fact, I am lucky to be alive.
Yet, I do not feel lucky. That is not to say I feel unfortunate – though one could certainly make the case – rather, that I feel luck is not a part of what is happening here. A ridiculous notion, to be sure, as none hath clairvoyance, but as I found myself beneath the slashing claws of a monstrous lion, the sense of urgency one might expect in a near-death situation was notably absent. Again, I question my sanity, wondering what could possibly produce such an irrational lack of reaction. I felt as though, despite experiencing such incredible pain, that the issue of my life was not on the table to be dealt. And behold, I was rescued from the creature’s jaws by Ejnar and the halfling.
It is quite a leap of faith to assume that my life is not in my own hands for the time being, and yet I feel that may be what I am indirectly implying. I cringe at the prospect that I am somehow exempt from certain misfortune, as that would be an irreparable blow to my integrity as a being of conscience and consciousness. But what can account for this nonsensical change in me? I am a reasonable person, that much I will claim. I have the faculties necessary to recognize the lack of presence in the goings-on of the world. However, I am also cognizant enough to acknowledge strangeness.
I have yet to find answers. I pray that the end to this journey is not near, for I would be lost for eternity.