Damned be the spirit that led my good senses astray! Is this what it was to come to? Have I been reduced to an instrument of the fates, an arbiter of death? I ask you, what greater truth shines forth from this battle? There is no lesson here! I let slip from my grasp a noble soul closing on revelation. You have wrenched her from me! It was not her time!
I am disgraced. I laid my word down before her, that I would guide her safely to her final destination. Now she is dead. There remains nothing of her, but I fear the worst. What use is she in death! Is life truly as I had imagined it? Causeless, pointless, a grand toiling but for naught! Have you lied to me, you most contemptible ghost within me? I am broken before you! What else could you torment me with, ’twould be the smallest grace to reveal to me your true intention!
I reject these feelings! To the deepest pits of hell with this intuition, you will not tempt me with life only to destroy it before my very eyes! What is my role, what part do I play? I am the observer, the recorder! I was not created for the gods above to test me with the vigors of living. I will not be made into a chess piece! Expel yourself from me, demon! You have shown your true colors as nothing but a bringer of suffering, you are not welcome within me!
Aedra, by the gods, by my very life! How can I ever forgive myself?